For those that couldn’t be arsed with watching the debate on
TV tonight, here’s a simple (biased)
guide to who the main parties represent…
CONSERVATIVE
If you have lots of money, and only care about yourself and
how much money you have, then vote Tory. If you really believe that by making
the rich richer, it will improve the lives of the poor, then this is the party
for you. Most of the Tory policies sound reasonable, but their implementation
is always skewed towards keeping their friends happy, and basically works along
the principles that education, healthy lifestyles and materialistic belongings
are only for those with the ‘right’ background. Recent ‘successes’ for the
Conservatives include higher suicide rates among the poor, less people entering
university from lower class backgrounds and the average wage of the country
getting higher by increasing the wages of the top 1%.
LABOUR
The Labour party once stood for ‘the working man’ and
equality. Unfortunately, the re-invention of ‘New Labour’ in the 90’s brushed
all this aside to concentrate on winning votes. Moving towards the centre
ground of politics they now stand for nothing except being ‘against the
Tories’. If you don’t like the Tories, but want to be in with a chance of backing
the party that might win, then this is the party for you. Their current
policies are all reasonable, but always tempered with trying to appeal to
everyone. Complacency whilst in government before the Tories was their biggest
downfall, and although there are a few MPs that still hold ‘socialist’ views,
generally they are career politicians that believe they might have got away
with it if it wasn’t for that pesky war business.
LIBERAL DEMOCRATS
Even their leader no longer knows what the party stands for
since they made an unholy alliance with the Devil in 2010 to gain a bit of
power and “change politics forever” by insisting on Proportional Representation
in return for having all their other policies ignored. As these type of deals
often end up, the dark side convinced them that it wasn’t really PR that they
wanted, but ‘a form of PR’ that wasn’t quite PR but a mix of both systems. When
put to the public, no-one knew what they meant, and even strong supporters of
PR voted against the change, thus leaving the party with well paid jobs, but
very little influence. Their other main policy of zero tuition fees for
students was completely dismissed by the Tories and instead increased them to
£9K. The minimum wage was enforced at a level only slaves (and students that
couldn’t afford tuition fees) would accept, and this wasn’t paid to hundreds of
thousands of workers who were exempt because they were on ‘zero hours’
contracts, were under a certain age, were classified as ‘in training’ or didn’t
have a father who got them the job in the first place. If you like having ideas
for how to run the country, but don’t want any of them implemented, then this
is the party for you.
UK INDEPENDENCE PARTY
UKIP have rode a perfect wave of popularity by convincing
people that they want out of the EU, and that this will solve all of the
country’s problems. They may or may not be right, but whilst all the other
parties accuse them of being racist, whilst ignoring the real problems, they
have every chance of growing in power. Unfortunately, most of their other
policies are written on the back of a fag packet whilst in a pub with their
mates. These are usually Tories who feel that the Conservatives are not right
wing enough. They manage to talk to ‘the man on the street’, because this is
exactly what they are…a group of ‘ordinary people’ who think that because they
have an opinion, they know all there is to know and will sort this country out.
This party is for you, if you think that the only problem with this country is
that there are too many people in it.
GREEN
Originally, the Greens were a party for those that wanted to
save the planet at any cost. Anything that was bad for the world and the
environment, the Greens were against. Lately they have gained the impression
that they might actually have a bit of power after the next election, and their
attitudes and policies have softened slightly to become more socialist and
left-wing in their attitudes. A recent poll showed that most people in the
country agree with their policies IN PRINCIPLE, more than any of the other
parties. However this does not mean they stand a chance, as most of their
policies would help the country, and the world, but not the individual, and
certainly not the selfish, money-grabbing bastards that now hold all the power
in the UK.
This party is for you if you believe in a future for mankind as a caring,
thoughtful and progressive society that sacrifices personal wealth for the sake
of humanity. Nice thought…
SNP / PLAID CYMRU / SINN FEIN / OTHERS
These parties are for you if you believe that your local
politicians can run a whole country.
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